My girlfriend figured out who you are.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
