sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
