I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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