you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
