I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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