New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
