Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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