normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
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I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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