the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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