note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
