Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can text with my tongue
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
