Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
