Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
