Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I will pee on everything he values.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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