my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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