do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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