I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
