In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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