My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
