Small penises have feelings too.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
