I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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