I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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