we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
