I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
