it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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