she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
