my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
