Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
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