its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
