so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
