I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
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My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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