Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
