Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
