I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize