it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
