my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
