I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
