You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
