Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
