Don't you send me to vm
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just pee around me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
