I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My ass is underappreciated
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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