shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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