Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
