btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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