thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
