I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
COCAINE IS GR8
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