that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
