SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
