am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Drunk is not a location!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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