I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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