I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
