I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
