there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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