My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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