Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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