Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
