I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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