Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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