we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
