If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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