Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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