Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
