i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
