I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
