It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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