I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize