it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
