Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
