I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
