I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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