my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
