Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
