Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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