why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I die, sorry about rent.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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