Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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